What is Grief?

What is Grief?

 Grief is the emotional response to being bereaved. It is experienced across the animal kingdom with there being many examples of animals such as elephants mourning the death of one of their own. To have lost something or someone often results in us grieving.  It is a deeply personal and unique experience and our response can depend on the nature of the loss, the meaning of the relationship in our life, whether the event was expected, unexpected or traumatic . We often grieve an unexpected change such as the loss of a job, a divorce or other major life changes. It can result from experiencing the loss of our life’s purpose or the loss of a future that we had imagined. There are many types of grief and everyone will experience several of these throughout their life.

 Anticipatory grief is experienced when we are expecting something in our life to change or to be lost. We know it’s coming and we think about it and do our best to prepare for it. While the event has not yet occurred, the anticipation is often experienced to be almost as difficult as the loss itself.

 Normal grief, often referred to as uncomplicated grief, encompasses a whole range of feelings and behaviours that are commonly experienced after a loss. Loss is felt not only in our mind but in our body as well and it can impact our ability to function.

Conflicted, ambiguous or ambivalent grief occurs when the nature of the relationship between the bereaved and the deceased was complex.  When the relationship is conflictual, abusive or estranged, the survivor may experience a confusing mix of relief, anger, guilt and sorrow,

Disenfranchised grief is loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publicly mourned. This can cause individuals to feel isolated, ashamed, invalidated or unheard as they may not feel welcome to share how they are feeling. An abortion, giving up a child to adoption , the death of an extramarital partner or a death by suicide often leaves people feeling unable to acknowledge their loss and get support. Often the death of a beloved family pet is not recognized by society and can feel like disenfranchised grief. Some people may experience a Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) death as disenfranchised grief if they are not comfortable sharing their loved ones choice.

 Cumulative grief or pancake grief, as coined by Gabby Jimenez of The Hospice Heart, stems from multiple losses, each one adding another layer of grieving. If early loss has not been effectively managed, each subsequent loss will add to the heaviness that is felt by the survivor.

 Traumatic grief is a severe, debilitating form of grief that occurs when the death of loved one is sudden, violent or unexpected. In this form of grief, the trauma response tends to override the emotional processing of loss and can lead to a prolonged grief disorder if the symptoms last for an extended time and hinder daily functioning.

Global grief refers to the widespread, collective emotional response to large-scale shared losses such as pandemics, climate change, wars, or systemic inequality that affect humanity worldwide.

 Regardless of the type of grief, the journey requires understanding, tools and practices, time and support.

Grief needs to be witnessed.

It needs to be seen, heard and acknowledged by others rather than experienced in Isolation.  (adapted from David Kessler)